Well, I tell ya, my life is NEVER dull! As many know, Im currently room-mating with a friend of mine who was nice enough to open his home for me when everything went haywire in my life. Well, he let me know today that his daughter is coming to stay with him during the summer. In other words, I basically have about 2-3 months to find a new place to stay. Yea, sucks to be me huh? Im not mad at him though. Hes been great thru everything going on in my life. Hell, hes one of the only people who I can honestly say have truly been a friend and been there for me when I needed it. If it wasn’t for him my azz wud be on the street right now so I am definitely grateful for everything he has done for me but I understand that he has things he needs to do with his own life. Cant fault him for that. I appreciate the generosity he has already bestowed upon me. So, as of right now my options are pretty much to either move back home to VA with my mother, which isnt really an option for me because…well, for various reasons. Or..hell find some little week to week place to stay until I can find a new job and be able to get my own place again. I hate this. Ive been pretty self sufficient all my life so now being in a position where I cant really do anything for myself is depressing and disheartening. Ive been on my own since I was 17 and though yes at times Ive needed the help of other people Ive always managed to find a way to pull thru somehow. Now, I feel kinda helpless. But I refuse to let it completely defeat me. I will bust my azz to get a job and a car within the next 3 months and do what I can. God helps those who help themselves right?

My mothers solution is find a rich man to take care of me. LOL. That is SO not me. While like all women, yes, I wud love to be spoiled & pampered, I dont want someone to ‘take care of me’. Im not an invalid. If Im going to have someone in my life I want them there for the right reasons. I want a partner, not a sugar-daddy. [I know all the gold diggers in the world are enraged by that comment LMAO] And right now I dont feel like I can bring my half to the table so finding a partner isnt high on my list of priorities. People keep asking me why am I still single after almost 3 yrs. Its completely by choice. To be truthful, 2 reasons. First and foremost bc as I previously said, I dont feel that I am in a position to bring all to the table all that I need to. How can I ask someone else to be stable and employed and have this and that when I dont have those things? I believe in equality. I want to be able to provide for my partner just as I want him to be able to provide for me. Yes, I know that I can provide my love and loyalty and devotion but lets be realistic, you need more than JUST that. And #2, to be honest, Im still hung up on my ex. I dont know if I can fully devote myself to someone else while I still have him on my mind. Ofcourse some say the best way to get over someone is to get with someone else. I dunno. Thats never really been my thing so I cant say whether that will or wont work but I know that right now, he still has a chunk of my heart that I cant really devote to someone else and Im not a gold digger or a phony so I wont lie to someone just to get them to give me what I want and need if Im not able to give them back the same. I cant give 100% of my heart to anyone else aside from him at the moment so Im not gonna lie about it. So, that leaves me in quite a predicament doesn’t it? Lol. Like I said, never a dull moment!!

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